Established
15th Aug 2021
Our sole purpose is to raise awareness about male survivors of sexual abuse. The aim we have is to empower men that have been victims of sexual abuse to get permission to heal through hearing the stories of men that have been through the same as they have. We want men to hear that they are not alone, they are not the only ones.
Stats
%
of all boys in South Africa has suffered some form of sexual abuse by age 18
Myths
Boys cant be sexually abused
It was their fault or they probably asked for it
Sexual abuse is less harmful to boys
Males abused by females are ‘lucky”
Only gay boys are sexually abused
Only Gay men sexually abuse boys
If you were abused as a child you are gay
If you were a victim of sexual abuse you will go on to perpetrate.
Effects
Suffers from anxiety and depression
PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder)
Eating disorders
Has concerns or questions about his own sexual orientation
Seems stressed and on edge all the time
Struggles to be in an intimate relationship
Avoids being alone with children
Has anger issues
Has a very low self esteem.
Struggles to make decisions
Has an addictive personality (Does everything in excess)
FAQ
As a man that was sexually assaulted, where can I get help right now?
If you are in serious need of help please contact our helpline on 078 457 4911MatrixMen has group sessions in both Cape Town and Johannesburg. Once you have had an initial interview, you will be invited to join one of our groups.
As a victim will I become an abuser, what if I have already abused?
Society has long cast the myth that once you have been a victim of sexual abuse, you will become an abuser. This is not entirely true. Research has shown that approximately 7% of victims will go on to abuse.
If you feel that you are possibly an abuser, please contact us and we will assist you to control your feelings and emotions.
What are the effects of sexual abuse on me as an adult?
The effects are varied and vast. Many men will resort to addictive behaviours to help mask the pain of childhood abuse. Alcohol, as a legal substance is one of the most popular ones. Other men will resort to, drug use, porn, sexually acting out, workaholic, gym, etc. Anything that prevents you from not being present in your life or the lives of your children, is of concern. Anger and rage are also a common side effect of the abused child.
How do I reach out?
Whatever your situation, we suggest that you reach out to get support at some point in time. The issues of childhood abuse have a tendency to not ‘go away’ as so many people say, but rather tend to cycle in your subconscious until you reach a breaking point. It is best to not let things spiral out of control, but to rather ask for support when memories first begin to surface.
Many men will try to bury these feelings using alcohol, drugs or sexually acting out.
None of these are a permanent solution to the issue that you currently face.
Why do I feel so much shame?
You are not alone. Lots of men have suffered the same fate. This might not console you, but knowing that you are not alone can be comforting. Sadly what you are feeling is as a result of societal misinformation.
Society tells us that Boys cant be abused
Men are supposed to be strong enough to defend themselves.
Men are able to resist temptation, and not get erect when they are abused by someone that they don’t like.
Men sometimes feel that they enjoyed it because they ejaculated.
The Team
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Martin Pelders
Founder
Martin Founded MatrixMen in 2011 born out of a need to heal from his own sexual abuse as a child. Since its inception we have helped 1000’s of men deal with the pain of their childhood abuse in various ways
Hungani Ndlovu
Activist and Director
Hungani Joined MatrixMen as a Director in 2018.
I just found that there was nowhere I could go to deal with issues that I’d experienced as a child and as an adult in a serious relationship.
David ralphs
Cape Town Groups Manager
Hungani Joined MatrixMen as a Director in 2018.
I just found that there was nowhere I could go to deal with issues that I’d experienced as a child and as an adult in a serious relationship.
Tyson Sukhdeo
Researcher
Tyson is a masters student at SACAP who has partnered with MatrixMen to complete his research project. As a intern counsellor at a poorer school in JHB he felt that there was a better way to make an impactful change.
Tyson does research mainly into how abuse impacts men and boys.
Cia Skosana
Drama Therapist
Cia Skosana is from East London South Africa. He holds a master’s degree in Drama Therapy (a form of psychotherapy), and an honours double major degree in Applied Drama and Drama Therapy, from the University of the Witwatersrand. He also obtains an art counselling certificate from Lefika La Phodiso. With a natural passion for helping people, Cia has in the last 5 years worked as an applied drama practitioner and facilitator. Through social transformation initiatives Cia has worked with children and adults from all different spheres of life. His work focuses on mental health and other issues affecting the emotional wellbeing of an individual.Cia has also worked as a lecture at the University of the Witwatersrand and as an actor in various South African TV shows such as: ISONO a BET production and ‘Intersextions ‘. Cia is passionate about men’s health and is excited about being on board as a director at Matrixmen where he can put his skills to the service of others.
Heinrich Visser
Durban Support Group Leader
Heinrich is our Durban Support group leader. He is Certified Laughter Yoga teacher, International Laughter Ambassador, corporate coach and trainer, conference speaker and male rape survivor. He resides in Durban and has a passion for helping people to find joy in their lives. He has done a Trauma Counselling course and Kinesiology courses..